I went back to work on July 7. One of the most difficult days of my entire life. I think I cried several times the day before…I couldn’t hold myself together. Anytime Jason would mention me going back to work I would lose it. Like full out ugly cry. As soon as I got to work though and saw all my co-workers again and all of my patients, I didn’t feel like I was going to cry every two seconds. Now what I am two full weeks back into it…it is much easier to leave, not easy yet, but easier. I don’t think it will ever be easy. My patients have been so giddy to have me back. I love it, they ask me questions and I get to talk about Alaina and brag her up and show off pictures…what mom doesn’t love to do that??
My favorite thing is that Jason gets to take care of Alaina. They get some good daddy/daughter bonding time. I love getting pictures throughout the day of “Camp Daddy”. I got my fair share of bonding time, we had our time together when Jason was done with school, and now he gets his bonding time. I think it is so important for a little girl to spend quality time with her dad. I look forward to all the summers ahead that they will get to spend together, with and without me. I look forward to the smiling pictures I will get and the stories I will get to hear when I get home. I love this time now…and I am not wishing it away…I am only looking forward to what the future holds.
The captions that came along with these pictures are as follows…Top Left: “Dad is making me wear a dress on the first day!” Top Right: “Someone just woke up.” (She is not a morning person). Bottom Left: “Camp Daddy Sucks” (she hates sleeping in her bassinet).
One thing I again realize, maybe even more so now, that I am back to work as a mom, is that cancer sucks. It is a horrible disease that tears apart families. It takes mothers from children, children from mothers, husband from wives, and friends from friends. As a mother, my heart breaks even more so now when there is a mother getting treatment and she has young children, I can’t help but put myself in their shoes. It takes all I have to not let the tears flood my eyes. It still amazes me yet the life that cancer also brings out…sounds weird right? I find that when a patient is diagnosed with cancer, they have a new perspective on life. They don’t take the days they have for granted. Each day is a gift. It is a reminder that is needed. I know that no matter how horrible my day is, it could always be worse. I need to enjoy every day, because tomorrow everything could change. It might seem morbid to think that way…but it makes every day a gift. I think it is important to have that perspective in life.